- Finale - Chapter 8: The Legacy of Trauma

Here I begin a new tale. Now you are caught up to present day. I am newly divorced, in my mid-thirties, adult orphan, expert-in-dog-loss-grief, and recovering from yet another tragic experience in my life as I search for a new home. I realized in therapy that I've lived for three decades and almost -none- of that time has free from narcissistic abuse, until now. Only the last three months of my life have I been completely free from both my parents and my ex Severus.

And sure I know it could be far, far worse. Folks have told me "well at least you didn't have any kids" or "you have a great opportunity to rebuild where others don't" or my personal favorite "at least you are still young." What I have learned is life is not meant to be lived in comparison to others. My experience is my own and it's painful to me in the ways that it intertwines with my personal history and narrative. I can't compare that to any one else. I only can have immense regret for my time spent on this world thus far. It had been filled with such personal grief, sadness, frustration, loneliness, and anger that I may never be able to live a normal life amongst my peers. And I'm okay with that.

I may always be among but without. I will always swallow my tears as I hear stories of other lives well-lived. I will never know life without grief. Rather than run from it, I choose to embrace it. Yes, I had a sad life. Yes, I had a sad story. And yes, I may always be alone in my history, but I can still learn from it. I can also rebuild, I can also flourish, and I can also blossom again tomorrow and next time. Next season. Next breath. Next year. I can sing the next song on the playlist.

And that is what the "Cheerful Rainbow blog will be from here on out.

A new song for us. A happier one. A healing one.

If you read the intro, you already know that Cheerful is me and Rainbow is my pup. And the rest of this blog will be our very hopeful chance at having a better life together free of abuse. Sometimes we may reflect again on stories from our history (Rainbow's backstory is important too!), but only so that the future may shine more brightly by learning from past mistakes and pitfalls.

We hope that you are still rooting for us dear reader and friend and cheer us on as we head to our next book and chapters.

Love,

C & R