Update: Reflections Two Years Later (April 2026)

It’s been two years.

Two years, since I wrote this blog months after the ending of my marriage.

And I think I’d write that story a bit differently now. It’s so distant that some things feel like they were written about someone else’s life and others still feel so raw, like they just happened yesterday.

In the time and space between, there are many ‘unanswered’ questions. I’ve never spoken to Severus again, so I can’t say what happened there. I did write him an apology and onus of my own behavior last year, which went unsurprisingly unanswered. I wrote it knowing that I didn’t want or need an answer from him and that he doesn’t owe me anything.

It’s done. Unbound and untied. We’re both free.

I do know one answer for certain. In losing her life, Moon ultimately saved mine.

I firmly believe she truly was a soulmate. Losing her sparked my reconnection to spirit, to the divine, and ultimately to love, which empowered me to walk away.

I think less on Severus’ choices and actions now, and more on what lead me to choose him.

What beliefs and values did I hold about myself that led me to choose such a partner.  What made me think that, such little love and care, was the best I could ever have. Or worse, what I deserved.

Looking back at my writing, I can definitely feel the anger and frustration I had during that process. Even looking back now, it’s clear that anger is what I was feeling the most. But underneath that was hiding immense grief, sadness, and disappointment. I wish I had captured those conflicted emotions a bit more. But it's imperfect, just as I was.

You see, I had to accept the unsavory things within me that chose this path. How did I come to a place where I would choose a partner like Severus, that treated me so poorly, and would put me in a situation like that. How did I come to so deeply desire love, that I’d end up in a story like that. Unloved. Uncared for. Who I am now, would never choose a story like that, and perhaps that is my greatest victory in all of this. To choose to be alone, rather than to be loved haphazardly.

What I’d say now, is that my life history is a perfectly human story. A perfectly human experience. It isn’t perfect or pretty. It’s real. How I felt then is just as valid as how I feel now reflecting back on that time and place in my life. But how glad I am to be here, rather than there.

Life isn’t a fairy tale.

For someone who has spent much of her life either in a book or daydreaming, reality can at times feel harsh and unfulfilling. There isn’t a fairy tale ending to this story, yet. It’s still being written.

I didn’t meet a dream partner (yet), I don’t have the children that I desired (yet), and I don’t know how this story will end, nor do I have the answers- yet, I continue forward.

I didn't get an immediate 'happily ever after', instead something far more beautiful happened.

I met myself.

In grief, in despair, in joy, in love, in excitement, in fear, in courage, and so many other emotions. I learned to trust my instincts and intuition. I learned to feel safe within myself. I learned to leave people and places that are not aligned behind. I learned to play and cultivate joy. I learned to share more of my story and wisdom with others. I learned what love and care felt like from genuine friends. I learned to love myself.

I found courage and strength, granted by the universe, that carried me away from that dark place, to a future that is most certainly better and brighter. For my greatest and highest good.

I've left this blog behind as a time capsule, but I didn't leave my mission of finding joy behind. Instead, I started a new project. I now make fortune videos, and do my best everyday to cultivate some joy, play, and enjoy life. Rainbow would probably say I need to play even more, but it's a start.

Energetically, this is a story of divine intervention and divine love. This is the universe showing me and you, dear reader, what love truly is. Everyone in this story just needed the right kind of love, from the right vessel. A mother, a father, a sibling, a friend, a mentor, a companion, a lover and the list goes on….

We’re all just imperfectly looking for love and acceptance.

That is not me excusing actions of right and wrong. It is me accepting that it is not mine to judge or evaluate, but hers. The universe writes the stories, and we live in them. I’ve learned it’s best to not question her based on what we observe in this realm. Her stories have wisdom far far beyond our mortal understanding or comprehension.

If you’d ask me now, I’d say there are no villains and also no heroes in this personal history. Only lessons and experiences. And that’s a beautiful thing that life gifts us. Opportunity for growth and expansion. The ultimate form of love.